tertulia

Tertulia [Click the photo above to go to Tertulia’s website]

359 6th Avenue (between Washington St and Cornelia St) New York, NY 10014

Guess who got to go their first restaurant opening? Meee. But this post isn’t about that, because they only served appetizers and I was hungry afterwards. This is about the dinner after the restaurant opening (don’t worry, I’ll be blogging the other restaurant another time) at Tertulia.

I went with my schmoozy boozy foodie friend to the event, so I figured I’d give myself the night off and let him pick the restaurant (or I had no idea where I was, and didn’t know what restaurants were nearby…or that).

Tertulia it is. The hostess tells us there is a slight wait, but two people are eating dessert so we should be seated shortly.

“So free drinks on the house while we wait?” You can guess that was not me, because I barely have the balls to tell waiters I’m a food blogger.

She smiles and tells us no.

I decide I need water while we wait, because I have already had 3 drinks, and well frankly, there’s not much more I can handle.

We are seated rather fast, and we are handed menus.

Him: “Do you like quail eggs?”

Me: “Blech no”

Me: “Croquettes?”

Him: “No”

Shit.

I lean back against the booth, I give up, he can do it.

“I’ll just wing it.”

“Great.”

The waiter struts over.

“Can I get you two something to drink?”

“Sangria.”

“Glasses or pitcher?”

“Pitcher.”

Uh oh.

It’s late, we might as well order. Off he goes!

“We’ll get the shishito peppers.”

“Do you like prosciutto?”

“Yeah that’s fine.”

Suddenly our waiter looks extremely irritated. “I can come back.”

“No it’s fine he’s winging it.”

Final decision: shishito peppers, prosciutto, squid specialty, and brussel sprouts.

“He hated us.”

“Did he?”

We both obviously turn to look at him. I mean who doesn’t look at the person they’re talking smack about..and there this little shit is giggling and loving it up with all the other patrons!

What did we do to him?

Lucky for him we didn’t hate the food, but the prosciutto came with nothing else, and it was just a mountain of meat, which is weird. Offer us a piece of bread.

Well we know our waiter isn’t going to offer, so we ask another waitress about cheese plates, and order that with bread. This meal just got exponentially larger.

The remainder of our meal was spent focusing on our waiter.

“What do you think his name is?”

I guessed something like Walter, I’m not sure. Something absurd.

Turns out his name is Dantrice. I don’t even need to write a funny comment about that, because nothing will do it justice. My waiter’s name is DANTRICE. OF COURSE IT IS.

“He definitely does pilates.”

“No zumba.”

Visual of our waiter doing zumba is in my brain. Possibly screaming “ay ay ay ay!”

“You have nice eyes. They’re like olive green.”

“They’re blue-green.”

“Right, blue-green-olive-green.”

Yeah that’s me. ROY G BIV.

Dantrince saunters over yet again. Doesn’t even think to ask how our meal was or ask why all the squid was left on the table (because it was blechh). However he does tell us “It’s last call.”

Oof Dantrice all the things I could think to call you. You’re lucky I’m drunk and tired, and embarrassed of how little we tipped you, so I’m not going to say anything. I’m just going to go home.

sangria

Sangria

Pretty right? It was good, but everything is good after 3 drinks. Also, it’s a really bag sign if you serve bad sangria.

peppers

Pimientos De Padron: Fried Padrón peppers with lots of sea salt

You either love these or hate these, because every 1 out of 5 is supa dupa hot. Dantrice informed us that a lot of them were spicy right now. I happen to be a big fan!

brussel sprouts

Brussel Sprouts

Most tapas restaurants have brussel sprouts and they’re usually pretty legit. These were yummy. A great side, but they never should be the star of a meal.

prosciutto

Prosciutto

Here is our pile of meal. It was tasty, but who eats prosciutto like this? At least tell us first so we can order Pan Con Tomate with it. We fixed the problem though and ordered bread don’t worry.

squid

Squid Special

It looks so pretty, but it was very very chewy and served cold. I don’t know if it was on purpose or Dantrice was too busy zumba-ing in the back and forgot about us.

I am so dumb and didn’t take a picture of my FAVORITE part of the meal, the CHEESE. They described it as a texture like brie, but with more flavors. It was also served with a raisin and nut bread with a gelatin. Looking back I would have been happy with a cheese plate.

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