Essex [Click the photo above to go to Essex’s website]
120 Essex Street (between Rivington St & Delancey St) New York, NY 10002
Let’s first start off this story by saying, I know Essex isn’t the newest restaurant in town; It’s not the most delicious…blah blah blah, so for all you people reading this, and being like “why’d she go there?” You guys can suck it, because Essex is FUN.
Sunday Funday + Drunk Brunch + Birthday = Amazingness.
I think that sums it up. The End.
Kidding, I have a lot to say.
I woke up hung-over after a Saturday night that we will just say included a 4am pit stop to the Meatball Shop, only to get up and continue drinking. I thought I would at least have a few extra hours to sleep since brunch was at 1, but no. I was woken up by the birthday girl at 10 am reminding us to be there at 1. Thanks.
I slather on make-up the best I can (I bought luminizer and I want to use it), and checked how I could subway myself (yes I’m using subway as a verb) to my destination. I give myself a peptalk: you’re broke, you’re an adult, you can do this. Get on the subway.
I made it!
I was 4th out of 6 to arrive. I’ll take it. You can’t be seated until everyone is there, and there was a wait anyway, a 20 minute wait. Don’t worry I didn’t mind the wait, because I ate the remaining 1/5 of my meatball sandwich this morning, so I was good.
We sit down, and I don’t know what I’m more excited for, the water or the mimosa.
“We need a picture of us.”
“Should we take it now?”
“Let’s wait until we have a few more drinks.”
I scan the menu, do I want sweet or savory?
“I think I want French toast,” my friend says.
“I don’t know if I want that or potato latkes.”
“Do you want to split?”
I almost punched both of them. They went in for sharesies without me. W.T.F.
“I’m having a bite of that,” I say. I get real authoritative sometimes.
The watiress comes over, and orders are put in, we all went different routes and order something different. As the waitress walks away my friend is absolutely convinced the waitress gave her a dirty look when she ordered. Maybe she did.
Ready for the brunch brigade? Scroll down to hear how it was, because you don’t go to a drunk brunch for the food, but at least this place makes pretty good food.
Potato Latkes with lox and poached eggs
French toast
Matzoh Brie with Mexican toppings
Potato Latkes
Lobster Benedict
Cheeseburger
“I have gifts for everyone,” the birthday girl announces.
Oooh gifts. Ok!
She whips out 5 dreidels and cheap blue sunglasses.
“Happy Hanukah everyone!”
“Aren’t these the give-aways you got at that charity event you went to a few days ago.”
“Yeah.”
Whatever, we’ll take anything. Everyone starts spinning their dreidels, and trying on the sunglasses.
“You only gave out 3 sunglasses. I want one.”
$5 sunglasses are the hottest thing at this table right now. Now everyone is taking what I can only describe as Gangster Jew pictures with sunglasses and holding up dreidels.
Birthday girl hates her potato latkes, but at least it’s picture time.
“It’s ok.”
“It’s fine.”
“So we all agree we want to take another.”
Before we know it our waitress has shooed us out of our seats with the check, and some of us haven’t even received the 3 drinks our brunch comes with. So what do we do?
We complain until we get more free drinks, and a birthday cake with a candle.
Our waitress/manager produces 20 carnival tickets, and tells us we can use them for free drinks at the bar.
What better way to spend your Sunday than badgering Romanian bartenders to give you free drinks with carnival tickets, and magically whipping them out from our pockets, bags, and bra straps with such pride, like they’re $100 bills.
“Vodka soda. Here you go.”
“What should we do now?”
“Let’s go to another bar and then get dinner.”
From brunch to dinner, that’s how we do, and that’s why it’s Sunday Funday.
Bread basket
I like that they were so generous with the bread, and it gave you something to nosh on while you sipped on your drink, and waited for your food. It’s probably a preventative method of keeping patrons from getting too drunk before their meals arrive, and I like it.
The Aristocrat: potato pancake topped with house-cured salmon gravlax, salmon caviar & poached eggs
I guess I’m just a more is more person. I liked that it was a bite of everything. It doesn’t come close to my mom’s potato latkes, but it was still great. What’s brunch without lox?
Mexican Matzo Brei: scrambled eggs with tortilla crisps, monterey jack, avocado, black beans & pico de gallo
I was originally wary of this dish, because this was like “everything but the kitchen sink” in my mind. However, it was a hodge podge of Mexican delight.
Challah French Toast with bananas foster sauce & fresh fruit
Totally fine dish. The banana part looks a bit yuck, but it was good. It’s a good alternative to eggs.
8 oz sirloin burger with french fries
Well done fries can’t be bad! Going for brunch, but just want lunch? Burger and a bloody mary work. At least that’s what my friend did.
Lobster Benedict
Probably would NOT recommend this dish. Lobster was a bit fishy. Maybe crab cake is better? If you have to think about the quality of the seafood I don’t think it’s a good idea.
Crispy Potato Pancakes with sautéed apples & honey cream sauce & spinach-shiitake-black bean hash
Not a pretty lookin’ dish. I’d rather get the Aristocrat if I’m going to get the potato pancakes, but I guess it borders on simple if you’re in the mood for some potato pancakes.
Peanut Butter Cake
Tasted like pure peanut butter. It was free so ok, but ehhhh.
Here we areeee. Look at these idiots.
Poco [Click the photo above to go to Poco’s website]
33 Avenue B (on the corner of 3rd street) New York, NY 10009
Can I wear black leggings with brown fry boots and a cream button down.
or do the colors not math
match
This is the text message that started by Saturday morning before I left for a brunch (bottomless brunch of course) with 4 girl friends of mine.
Yes, it’s fine.
Wanna share a cab?
“Yes, but hurry up I’m leaving right now,” I say as I fast forward through my Gallery Girls recording. I’m not leaving yet, but my friend is the slowest person on Earth, so I figured I’d light a fire under her legging clad ass.
I read the next text message:If ur lying ur dead (emoticon).
I’m in a cab, I reply as I turn up the volume.
I finally pick up my friend and off we go to Poco to enjoy a nice bottomless brunch on a pretty Saturday afternoon.
When we arrive the hostess informs us that there will be a slight wait since people came late…slight huh?
The other three girls arrive, and we attempt to wait patiently. We’re all in standard brunch garb, jeans, sandals/sneakers etc, and there is my other friend standing 5”10 with thick rimmed glasses, hot red lipstick, a scarf, combat boots (its almost 80 degrees out) and an oversize Chanel (her uniform). The only difference from her usual day to day outfit is that now she has an IPhone in her hand as opposed to her Blackberry.
“Do you like having an IPhone?”
“Um…it’s my 4th one.”
It’s been less than 30 days since she received her first one.
“How do you keep losing them?”
“Well I left one in a cab, but I realized as soon as I got out of the cab, so I took off my shoe and threw it at the cab.”
“Oh, so you got the phone.”
“I missed…”
“You have lipstick on your teeth.”
5 minutes turns into 30 minutes as we stand outside shooting the hostess dirty looks (how much longer..like 10 more minutes?…15 minutes later…they’re paying the check…10 minutes later….paying the check…we hate you) We are finally seated at a table outside, but CC Sabathia hasn’t charged her phone and it’s about to die, so she starts running around the restaurant asking if there’s an available outlet, and then says she wants to sit inside so she can hear the music better. I give her the seat closest to the speakers to make her feel better.
Waiter, wheres my drink….
“Mimosa!”
“2 mimosas!”
“3.”
“Bloody mary.”
“Can I have sangria?”
“Do you do pitchers?” They do, but only of mimosas, which they serve in a champagne bottle, tricky.
“You know, we were waiting half hour for our table,” says my friend hinting for some sort of accommodation aka extra pitchers.
“What a shame! Well you’re sitting now.” That was unsuccessful.
…and then brunch ended. No seriously, it didn’t. but it’s all a bit of a blur.
I having officially ended the Dukan Diet got a skirt steak sandwich, that I think had chimichurri sauce in it.
My other friend ordered the pulled chicken, which was pretty much chicken salad, but she didn’t realize that until she got it, so that didn’t go over well.
Two ordered eggs over easy with bacon, and one ordered lobster benedict (which I somehow neglected to take a picture of, sorry!). All of our meals came with home fries and salad. The home fries tasted like they were frozen and reheated, and the salad had a weird tropical like dressing, but that dressing goes very well with a mimosa (or does it?).
There was nothing left. Two of our friends had to leave early, and one of their bags swung around the table and spilled mimosa everywhere, which led to bees flying everywhere, everywhere!
The check comes, and I realize the other two girls were in remedial math in high school, so I’m going to have to drunkenly do this check…damn it.
“Can you hand me my phone or no?” I hear my friend ask a group of diners sitting near the outlet her phone is charging in, and then she gets up to talk to a group of guys instead, and then comes back to report, “they’re all gay.”
“Lets go to Beekman Beer Garden.”
And then I died. But the moral of this story is, we’re all willing to wait half hour if it means we get a bottomless drunk brunch in good weather and good music. But you could have been nicer about it Poco..I am a food blogger after all.
Poco (bottomless brunch special)
The best part of the meal. The champagne bottle is really a bottle of mimosa.
Poco (grilled skirt steak and cheese sandwich: with fried eggs, creamy avocado, letuce and tomato served on a French baguette)
I want to say the cheese was like a Manchego which had a nice salty bite with the steak and avocado. It’s not exactly brunch, but we did eat at 1:30pm so it’s fine.
Poco (pulled chicken sandwich: apple wood smoked bacon, lettuce, tomato, and chipotle aioli)
Translation: chicken salad sandwich with bacon. It was a little too mayo-y, but fine.
Poco (two eggs over easy with bacon)
I didn’t taste the eggs, but you have to be a pretty crappy restaurant to mess this up.
Want to know where to go right now? [Click the photo above to read Updating the Eater Heatmap:Where to Eat Right Now]
Nothing says football season more than wings and beer! [Click the photo above to read Beyond Buffalo: New York’s Nine Most Exciting New Wings]
Summer is over, which means more time in the city to go out, eat late night, and then feel guilty about it the next morning! [Click the photo above to read 10 Great Late Nite Bites in the Meatpacking District]
Miracles do exist! Tates Chocolate Chip Cookie Ice Cream Sandwich, a tatewich! You can purchase them as soon as above or make them yourself! All you need are cookies and ice cream, and a sharp knife. Thats it! It’s a crowd pleaser!
P.S. I stole these pictures, I wouldn’t be caught dead with that manicure.
Café Cortadito [Click the photo above to go to Café Cortadito’s website]
10 East 3rd Street (between Ave B & Ave C) New York, NY 10009
Spent a rainy Saturday at a coed bottomless brunch…I know what??
First off, I was originally supposed to go to this brunch with a few girls, and then I get a text from my friend saying, “we are not going to know anyone at this brunch.” Great, lets break bread with people I don’t know. This won’t be awkward at all.
I would also like to point out that I know these people through a boy I was dating (yes, dating! Not hooking up. I’m not a 20 year old undergrad anymore. You want something, you better buy me dinner first), so you can imagine my horror when more of his friends were coming to a DRUNK brunch. Who knew what would slip out of my mouth? Oh, and did I mention they were couples? MISS, WHERE IS MY MIMOSA?
I had already told my friend ahead of time she had to sit next to me (am I 12? Maybe), but her boy best friend (who she calls her brother) apparently had the same idea, and we secretly competed over our seating arrangement.
Her brother won, so I sat next to him, with my friend sitting across from me, and her other friend( I had met twice before) sitting to my right. I should also point out that the restaurant was the size of a small walk-in closet, and 9 of us squeezed into a table that sat 6 comfortably. So when I say we sat next to each other, I mean we were straight up cuddling. Lets.get.started.
“Should I take pictures of our meal?”
“You should!”
“Why would you take pictures?”
“Because I have a food blog, do you want my card?” (Yes, I have cards now!)
“You seriously have a blog?”
“Yes…”
“Are there videos on your blog?”
“Sort of…”
“You should have videos” (Oh, thanks. I should have been like DON’T TELL ME HOW TO RUN THIS! but instead I get all shy and embarrassed and just respond with a meek, “ok.”)
We order pitchers of mimosas, mojitos, two sangrias (white and red), and maybe one more drink. The lovely lady sitting next to me suggested combining the mimosa and mojito…she is a genius.
I was at least 3 drinks in before my food arrived…I actually can’t remember. Whatever. It’s a bottomless brunch! Don’t judge me!
I had per usual looked up this menu ahead of time (for G-d’s sake it’s Cuban, I have never had a Cuban brunch before, I needed to be prepared: I needed to see pictures prior to ordering). I went for the Amanecer Corralito (sweet plantain omelette with Spanish chorizo and ham), I saw from the picture the chorizo and ham were served on the side, and the omelette looked like a good size portion. Yummy. Omelette was sweet with the plantains inside, and then tasted delic with the chorizo combined. Sweet and Savory. Boom.
My friend’s “brother” was texting our mutual friend to no avail, because he wanted a male companion for March Madness later in the day. Unfortunately, our friend was unavailable because he was at his own brunch…an exclusive couples brunch. Yes, vomit.
My drunken haze does not allow me to recall how the whole thing started, but in order to get Mr Couples Brunch to respond to Brother, we decided to play a prank on him, and this just made the brunch fly by!
What better way to keep yourself busy when you don’t know one other person there!
We decided to tell Mr Couples Brunch that I was making out with some dude Mr Couples Brunch hates, who we shall name Brock Lee* (Best idea ever! Lets do it! … No, we should not. Why am I jumping at the chance to sound like a slut?).
I start grabbing Brother’s arm and laughing like a drunken hyena.
Mr Couples Brunch goes nuts and starts texting the craziest things:
“She has really hit rock bottom.”
“LMAO”
At this point I am just dying of laughter (He thinks I’ve hit rock bottom! Stop it! I can’t breathe!) Looking back I should have been insulted.
We then decide it would be a good idea for me to text Mr. Couples Brunch and pretend I have no idea what is going on.
Me: Hey are you at The Hill? (their favorite bar)
Mr Couples Brunch: No, y?
Me: We’re going in a little?
Mr Couples Brunch: With Brock Lee?
Me: Who?
Mr Couples Brunch is drunk from his own brunch and calls me to yell at me! I of course cannot hear him. They were playing loud music and I felt like I was at a discoteca.
I finish up with a text…
Me: You got punk’d son (WHAT? I know. The show is back ok, so don’t judge me)
Mr Couple’s Brunch isn’t quite getting it, and keeps going…
Mr Couple’s Brunch: Brock Lee is ur hubby?
Mr Couple’s Brunch: I wanna merk him (idk what that means)
Next thing I know I’m paying the bill, and my friends are stabbing at my plate, because I didn’t finish my omelette, because I was so distracted by the texting feud. “Hey! That’s really good!” I know…I have a food blog.
*The name has been changed for privacy reasons.
Cafe Cortadito (sangria, tropical mimosa, mojito)
A little bit of everything.
Cafe Cortadito (Amanecer Corralito)
Sweet plantain omelette with Spanish chorizo and ham. I definitely ordered the best dish!
Cafe Cortadito (huevos rancheros)
2 eggs over a corn tortilla with black beans and salsa. The vegetarian option.
Cafe Cortadito (ropa vieja sandwich)
Cuban style flank steak with a flavorful tomato sauce, green and red peppers.
A boy ordered this. I think ordering a sandwich when you’re drinking is always a safe bet for absorption purposes.
GirlyFoodie 