Smorgasburg [Click the photo above to go to Smorgasburg’s website]
Williamsburg Waterfront between North 6th and North 7th St
What.a.weekend! How perfect! How sunny! Couldn’t think of a better way to pop my Smorgasburg cherry (too gross?). For any of you that do not know, Smorgasburg is an outdoor flea market in Williamsburg (get it!) where food entrepreneurs and established purveyors from New York City and across the region sell both packaged and prepared foods, fresh produce, and other food-related stands for a total of approximately 100 vendors (yes I 100% stole this from their website). I hear food, I come running.
I am extremely lazy and have a large fear of the unknown, so I was a bit apprehensive about hauling my cookies to Brooklyn. Fear not, it’s not that difficult. I decided to meet an experienced Brooklynite (she is also my friend) there who knew her way around. I didn’t want to aimlessly wander this joint. I wanted to walk with purpose. I requested directions days in advance via gchat. She told me to take the L from Union Square 3 stops to Bedford. Ok, I can handle that.
As I sat on the train, I spotted a cute surfer type boy, my future husband. As the train came to a jolty halt, my arms flew up in the air, and I almost collapsed on the train. Our romance had ended.
I aimlessly pick an exit, and stroll up the steps. I call my friend.
“I’m here!”
“Walk toward (muffled noise)”
“Where?”
“Actually just wait there.”
I look around to be more specific with my location, “Oooh! I’m in front of Crift Dogs!”
“Ok, great give us 5 minutes” (so us means, you and your boyfriend. Ok, I guess I can dig it…)
“Are you scared I’m going to get lost?”
“Yes” (fair point)
5 minutes my butt. I managed to make two phonecalls while I waited, one being my mom, and that’s never a 5 minute conversation. I didn’t mind waiting though actually, which is weird for me, but the weather was so nice I was chipper. I just busied myself and people watched until my friend and her boyfriend arrived.
Suddenly, I see a couple in matching colored apparel appear on their bikes, here are my friends!
(Um, should I have brought my bike? Kidding, I don’t own a bike.)
My friend led the way, as I walked next to her and her bike, while her poor boyfriend trailed behind. Stay, sit, heal.
Then we arrived.
“I didn’t know it was on the water!” I scream. It is, and it’s really fricken pretty. I felt like I had just found something no one else had…which is completely untrue, but maybe if I scream it’ll sound more normal.
“K, we just need to lock our bikes, and we’re off.” Sure, sure whatever.
“Let’s do a lap,” says the boyfriend.
“Which way do we start?”
“This way.”
“That looks good, is it good?”
“Let’s do a lap.” DO YOU WANT TO DO A LAP? As we walk, my friends briefly explain the lay of the land. Some places like the dessert counters, and cold dishes are served immediately. However at other places, you wait on line, order, they take your name down, and call you when your order’s ready, which can sometimes take twenty minutes.
So, snack time?
We stopped at a Greek stand, and I buy a small Greek salad to nosh on, while my friend ordered the spanakopita. This should hold us over until our orders are ready.
We make two stops.
1. Handsome Hanks Fish
2. Cemitas Mexican Sandwich
Handsome Hank’s line was wild, and we ordered two classic fish sandwiches.
Cemita’s line was a tad tamer, and we just ordered one sandwich for all three of us to share. We went for the build your own sandwich with carnitas.
Cemita’s sandwich was ready first, and I was stuck staring at it, while we waited for our fish sandwiches to be prepared.
I expected the experience to be insanely overwhelming with pushing and pulling, and rude people behind the counter. I didn’t get any of that at all, for serious. I was shocked. Everyone was really nice and helpful at the food stands, and they didn’t even rush you to order, and all the patrons politely waited on line until it was their turn. WHERE WAS I???
After we had all of our sandwiches, we gripped our dishes and walked to a bench area to dig in. I ate half of the fish sandwich, it was too gigantic to finish but still amazeballs, and took bites of our cemita sandwich in-between. I was saving room for dessert.
“I’m full,” my friend’s boyfriend announced.
“Um, we’re getting dessert too, right?” Don’t start with me boy.
“Of course!” My friend says. THANK GD!
First of all, there are a million bazillion choices, ice cream sandwiches, donuts, s’mores, the list goes on. But I didn’t want to feel sick, I wanted something refreshing, popsicle sticks!
I got raspberry basil. Yum.
“You should probably take the ferry home, instead of the subway.” Is my friend a genius? MAYBE. It’s $4, and I could get dropped off 5 blocks away from my apartment…and a possible tan. Yes!
“Ok yay, but let’s take some pictures first! Genius idea for me to do this after we just ate popsicles, our teeth are going to look so white!”
Smorgasburg (greek salad and spanakopita)
My salad was light and just enough to hold me over, and the spanakopita was so delicious it’s hard to explain (I should have gotten the baklava!). Just be careful, both of these items are green and means there is a good chance it will get in your teeth!
Smorgasburg, Cemitas Mexican Sandwich, cemita sandwich with carnitas.
[Click the photo above to go to Cemita’s Website] Also please note how awesome my picture is in similarity to the website’s!
This continually grew on me with every bite. You need to get a taste of all the layers to really love it.
Smorgasburgh, Handsome Hank’s Fish (classic fish sandwich)
I had to give you both views so you could understand the size of this baby. Cole slaw, fried fish, soft white bread. Stop it right now!
Smorgasburg (raspberry basil popsicle)
YUM! Enough said.
P.S. my nail color looks unreal! Just sayin’
Smorgasburg (Snow Cone)
My friend’s boyfriend went for this. He clearly has not gone to Jew Camp, and does not know that they look better then they taste. I mean it’s just ice dude! It’s only good unless they dowse the whole thing in artificial flavoring. He didn’t love it, but who LOVES ice???
Boqueria [Click the photo above to go to Boqueria’s website]
53 west 19th street (between 5th and 6th Ave) New York, NY 10011
After fully gorging myself from a holiday weekend, I decided to continue this path of destruction by going out to dinner with two friends.
I had just seen American Reunion (it’s what you would expect), and we decided to keep the momentum going by walking to a place nearby for an early dinner. Only two of us went to the movies, so the other one met us at the restaurant. In the interim we decided to grab a drink. While drinking, we decided it would be a great idea to get another drink at dinner. What planning!
We’re idiots and decided to eat “light” by going to Boqueria for tapas (light, I’m sure). We were trying to keep kosher for Passover, so NO bread! How bad could we possibly eat?
The two of us walk into the restaurant, and it’s pretty empty. I would say it’s a surprise, but most people don’t eat dinner at 6pm on a Sunday (or ever).
“3 please.”
The hostess looks around the restaurant like it’s packed to the gills and responds, “Sure, just let me know when your other person is here.”
Yes, because people are climbing over each other to get a seat. Let’s definitely make us wait in the front. Our friend arrives with ballet flats on and announces her foot keeps cramping up, “I hate when that happens.”
The hostess then seats us at a communal table. There are 3 of us, and no one is in the restaurant. Lets seat us at our own table. I know you don’t know us, but you don’t want us near the other guests.
As soon we sit down, my friend goes, “I want the spinach. I want the mackerel. I definitely want the steak. We need to get steak.”
“Ok.”
“Ok.”
It’s tapas so the menu isn’t that extensive, but we are really diving in.
“I want the patatas bravas. If you guys don’t want them, I still have to have them.” Wow, easy killer. Who said we couldn’t get them (they fit the Passover bill)? I picture her with this plate in front of her never coming up for air.
“I love those. Definitely!” I say.
Then little Miss Spinach goes, “There are four things, we definitely need to get. The rest I don’t care.” FOUR THINGS?? Most people put in a two dish request, she puts in for four, and they’re all mandatory.
They were: the spinach, the hanger steak, the shrimp, and the lamb meatballs.
I wasn’t opposed to any of this, so those were put on our definite lists.
I threw out the bacon wrapped dates. Bacon is kosher for Passover!
Miss Patatas Bravas overlapped with Miss Spinach on the meatballs on her top 5 list, so we were good to go.
The waitress comes over, “Can I get you guys something to drink?”
Sangria! Ay ay ay ay!
This poor waitress. She was on the quiet side, and we’re just not on the quiet side.
Time to order. After feeling like we had gone overboard I ask the waitress, “is this too much?”
She shockingly comes back with, “I would get one more if I were you.” Ok, wow! We decide we can just order another dish as we move along, to see how hungry we are.
We all dive into to each dish as they are served somewhat staggered. Stuffed dates first, amazing, but there are only three. Biotch please.
Then spinach and potatoes.
“My type is Michael Cera.”
“Really? I don’t know one person you have dated or hooked up with that remotely resembles Michael Cera.”
“Yeah, like cool but a little dorky, but not dorky and kinda cool.”
I continue attacking the patatas bravas.
“No one else is eating this.”
“Are you kidding? I am too!”
Then comes meatballs and hanger steak. Both great!
“What is that with the steak?”
“I think it’s squash.”
“Squash.”
“I like squash.”
…
“Which movie did you like better, 21 Jump Street or American Reunion?”
“I haven’t seen 21 Jump Street yet.”
“It’s hysterical!”
Check magically appears and we realize we never ordered a sixth dish. UH OH.
“Let’s get Tasti.”
“Great idea.”
Boqueria (red sangria)
Great! Picked some of the fruit out and nibbled on it…in public.
Boqueria (datiles con beicon)
Dates stuffed with almonds and Valdeon, wrapped in bacon.
It was a blessing and a curse that there were only 3 of these. I could have eaten ten more!
Boqueria (espinacas a la Catalana)
Sauteed spinach, garbanzos, pine nuts, garlic, raisins.
Just because it’s green doesn’t mean it’s great for you. Smothered in oil, it was yummy and sweet, but who cares? I kept Passover.
Boqueria (patatas bravas)
Crispy potatoes, salsa grava, roasted garlic allioli
Crispy potatoes with a garlic sauce on top and a red sauce at the bottom to shmush (that is a big girl word) the potatoes in at the bottom? It’s never a bad idea.
Boqueria (gambas al ajillo)
Shrimp, garlic and Guindilla pepper in olive oil.
It tasted like it was doused in butter and oil. Not to say that is bad, but don’t think you’re being healthy by ordering shrimp. Lies! All lies!
Boqueria (albondigas)
Lamb meatballs, tomato sauce, sheep’s milk cheese.
I don’t know if I’m one to judge what is deemed light, and what is deemed heavy, but I’d venture to say that for meatballs, it tasted light, and didn’t make you feel weighed down afterwards.
City Grit [Click the photo above to go to City Grit’s website]
38 Prince Street (between Mott and Mulberry) New York, NY 10012
After hearing about the wonderful concept of New York culinary salon, City Grit, I decided I just HAD to try this out!! I don’t want to butcher the explanation of what City Grit is so I would just click on the link if I were you, but I will try anyway. Pretty much, this little lady named Sarah Simmons hosts different food events in a space in Soho. They host about 15 events per month, and each one is a multi-course meal with a theme. Each dinner is completely different from the one before. Sometimes they have guest chefs, but mostly Sarah runs the show.
Anywho, back to me! After e-mailing my fake boyfriend aka gay best friend about this, he wrote me an e-mail saying he wanted to go to an event called “Best of the Best” for a mutual friend’s birthday, and asked if I wanted to go (it was my idea, don’t even think about claiming it). I bought my ticket (it was $60 for a 5 course meal, alcohol not included), and decided to be shmoozy and e-mail the host, Sarah Simmons, for a sneak peak of the menu. She obliged, and swore me to secrecy. I was thrilled to know more than my friends so I didn’t tell them anything.
As the day approached, I wanted a plan for the night. Did I need to print a ticket out for this? (You don’t.) Where was I meeting them? (It was my gay bff, the birthday girl and her boyfriend.) My best friend may be gay, but he’s a dude, which means his planning skills are minimal at best (he didn’t make reservations for his boyfriend’s birthday until the day of his birthday… SUCH A BOY).
I gchat the birthday girl asking what the deal is (she usually knows what’s up, and I felt like I could trust her game plan). Turns out, it was a surprise…woops. You would THINK that my friend would include that in the e-mail, but no, he did not. Like I said HORRIBLE PLANNER.
The birthday girl and I conspired to not tell him the surprise was ruined (so if you are reading this, you already know, the house has been boarded up and we are staying at the Holiday Inn). P.S. it’s your own fault.
I meet them outside their apt (they all live together. Three’s Company, hit it!), and as soon as I arrive I announce, “Let’s go I’m starving!”
Mr. Horrible Planner gives me a crazy look and goes, “It’s a surprise!”
“It’s a surprise we’re eating? It’s almost 7:30. This is a surprise to no one.” (Isn’t he so annoying?)
So, we arrive, and if the birthday girl really didn’t know where we were going, she actually WOULD be surprised, because the outside of the building says, “Furniture Shop.” They are so tricky (think speakeasy sorta), and a sign was written on the door that said, “we will be right back.” Ok….
“Are you going to tell her yet?”
“Badaya.” (that is a made up word that he kept saying over and over again on the way to dinner)
“Ok, well we’re here, so maybe it’s time.” (Am I a crazy actress? I might be).
We only waited a few minutes until they opened the doors for us. You walk in, give your name, and then they seat you in assigned seating, (it’s assigned by group, so my friend called ahead of time to say that I was with them, because we didn’t sign up together so keep that in mind if you go!).
The space is kitschy. It is an old Catholic School turned into I guess a culinary salon, so do what you want with that knowledge, but the bathrooms are far away with low toilets (it was an elementary school). Also, they made it unisex. It wasn’t so bad, but it wasn’t the highlight of the event. I digress…Guests sit in two rooms with long tables scattered throughout, dim lighting, dark wood, and “Western” accents. It’s definitely not a sexy vibe, but it’s fun!!
“Are all events held in this space?”
“Yes, I think so,” I reply.
“No, they change it,” responds Mr. Horrible Planner.
Disagreement. I looked up other events, and I know they are all held on Prince Street.
“No, they’re all here.”
“I think they change it.”
“I think you’re wrong.”
The menu is posted on a blackboard, but I had it in my hands on my IPhone (I win).
“Does anyone want to read the menu?” I point to my phone.
“I’ll take a look at it,” says birthday girl.
“It’s on the blackboard,” responds Mr. Horrible Planner. (Ok, squint at the blackboard butthead…someone doesn’t want to give me any credit)
I glare at my best friend turned arched nemesis and am about to make a scene at our table, when our waiter comes over to save the day. He introduces himself as Dan Brown (he did not write the DaVinci Code, and it took a lot for me to NOT make that horrible joke at the table), and lets us know our wine options. I am allergic to white wine (if I’m ok with this you can be too) so we decid to share a bottle of red between the four of us, it eventually turned into 3 bottles…woopsies!
First, we are served with an amuse bouche of a fried oyster wonton with spicy mayo (are you salivating?). I know an amuse is just supposed to be one bite, but I was starving! KEEP IT COMING!!
I was really feeling the wine by the first course (shocker), which was a seared scallop, another baby plate. I get it. I get it. It’s a progression, but my stomach really didn’t give a flying…
As the first course was being distributed to the last few people, Sarah and her business partner spoke, giving some background on City Grit (p.s. her partner said all events are held in the same space, booyah!), and then a description of our meal. Sarah said the meal were the top dishes of their past events, so rock on! She was just so cute. She’s from the south, and while I usually despise anyone using the word ya’ll she made it sound so endearing! Let’s be friends Sarah!
However, that doesn’t mean I withheld all judgment (puh-lease)! When describing the third course, a fried chicken biscuit with deviled egg, she said…
“A friend once told me, a dinner with deviled eggs, is better than a dinner without deviled eggs,” laughter ensues, and then she goes, “And I couldn’t agree with him.” Period.
Couldn’t agree with him more Sarah. You forgot the word more. You just changed the meaning of that sentence.
“I said more in my head.”
“Me too!”
“That’s like when people say, “I could care less.” It’s “I couldn’t care less.”
“I don’t know which one I say…”
I hope the people next to us were not listening to our conversation.
The 2nd course was gumbo, a bigger portion score! Then came the chicken course, which tasted just like a gourmet McDonalds chicken filet, but with a twist. I tried to eat it slowly, because I wanted my last bite to include the biscuit, but it was just so hard!
Since the space is two rooms it takes some time for the servers to distribute all the plates to each table, so there is quite a bit of time between each course. We were over two hours in with two more courses to go!
“You had a weird friend at your birthday party.”
“What did he do?”
“We were in the elevator and he said everyone in the elevator had matching jackets on.”
“Did you?”
“Nope, they were all different colors! And when we pointed it out he said, “That’s such a Samantha thing to say.”
“I think he was in a weird mood that night…”
Fourth course! Boneless short ribs with paramesan cream grits and braised collareds. It was our biggest portion yet. Suddenly I was full, and I couldn’t finish the plate. I became a new woman.
“I get the progression now. Makes total sense.”
“Yeah, it’s perfect.”
Amazing how easily one’s mind changes when they’re full.
My friend was scraping the parmesan up with his utensils, and I started to gag watching him use his fork and knife so intently just for a tiny puddle of cheese. I was definitely satiated.
I tried to not look at him, “I got a gel manicure for the holidays!” as I wiggle my fingers jazz hands style.
“Why?”
“So it stays!”
“Do I look like Barbie?” My nails are currently bright pink. The lady applying my gels asked if I was going away, they are just THAT tropical looking…
Dessert!! Banana pudding with salted Caramel. I am not the biggest of banana cream pie, and that’s pretty much what it was, but in a jar. However our awesome waiter, Dan Brown, brought out one with a candle.
Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday to you.
Hap-py birth-day dear ___ (silence in the Catholic schoolhouse as the patrons wait to hear her name, and then when we say it, everyone laughs like they knew the whole time)
Happy birthday to you!
Big tip for Dan Brown.
As we were leaving…
“Hey what was that word I kept saying on the way here?”
“Badaya.”
“Oh, yeah”
“Ba-dayeinu”
Happy Passover/Easter everyone!
City Grit (menu, Best of the Best)
Here is the menu of the 5 course delight!
City Grit (fried oyster wonton with spicy mayo, kimchi, ginger scallion sauce)
This was described as Asian food with southern ingredients. I would have eaten 10 more fried oysters. Great way to start off the meal!
City Grit (seared scallop with harissa carrot puree, bacon marmalade)
Smiley Face!! Bacon marmalade, need I say more?? This was my probably my favorite, and it was just so teeny tiny. I wanted more!
City Grit (Gumbo Z Herbes: green gumbo with white rice grits, pickled ramps)
I know this looks gross, but it was not! It was very hearty!
Sarah also told a great story about how this specific gumbo recipe is one of the oldest gumbo recipes and was almost extinct, but was revived after Hurricane Katrina, when people would make large pots of this dish to survivors of Katrina’s aftermath)
City Grit (Chicken & Egg: fried chicken biscuit with deviled eggs, shaved celery salad)
I loved this! Classy fried food is where it is at.
City Grit (boneless short ribs with parmesan cream grits, braised collards)
This was definitely the biggest portion we received all night. It was a little chewy at first, but once you dug into the middle it melted in your mouth!
City Grit (banana pudding with salted caramel)
Not my favorite part of the meal, but if you like banana flavored dessert then you’re in the clear! Please not the Christmas themed birthday candle!
Café Cortadito [Click the photo above to go to Café Cortadito’s website]
10 East 3rd Street (between Ave B & Ave C) New York, NY 10009
Spent a rainy Saturday at a coed bottomless brunch…I know what??
First off, I was originally supposed to go to this brunch with a few girls, and then I get a text from my friend saying, “we are not going to know anyone at this brunch.” Great, lets break bread with people I don’t know. This won’t be awkward at all.
I would also like to point out that I know these people through a boy I was dating (yes, dating! Not hooking up. I’m not a 20 year old undergrad anymore. You want something, you better buy me dinner first), so you can imagine my horror when more of his friends were coming to a DRUNK brunch. Who knew what would slip out of my mouth? Oh, and did I mention they were couples? MISS, WHERE IS MY MIMOSA?
I had already told my friend ahead of time she had to sit next to me (am I 12? Maybe), but her boy best friend (who she calls her brother) apparently had the same idea, and we secretly competed over our seating arrangement.
Her brother won, so I sat next to him, with my friend sitting across from me, and her other friend( I had met twice before) sitting to my right. I should also point out that the restaurant was the size of a small walk-in closet, and 9 of us squeezed into a table that sat 6 comfortably. So when I say we sat next to each other, I mean we were straight up cuddling. Lets.get.started.
“Should I take pictures of our meal?”
“You should!”
“Why would you take pictures?”
“Because I have a food blog, do you want my card?” (Yes, I have cards now!)
“You seriously have a blog?”
“Yes…”
“Are there videos on your blog?”
“Sort of…”
“You should have videos” (Oh, thanks. I should have been like DON’T TELL ME HOW TO RUN THIS! but instead I get all shy and embarrassed and just respond with a meek, “ok.”)
We order pitchers of mimosas, mojitos, two sangrias (white and red), and maybe one more drink. The lovely lady sitting next to me suggested combining the mimosa and mojito…she is a genius.
I was at least 3 drinks in before my food arrived…I actually can’t remember. Whatever. It’s a bottomless brunch! Don’t judge me!
I had per usual looked up this menu ahead of time (for G-d’s sake it’s Cuban, I have never had a Cuban brunch before, I needed to be prepared: I needed to see pictures prior to ordering). I went for the Amanecer Corralito (sweet plantain omelette with Spanish chorizo and ham), I saw from the picture the chorizo and ham were served on the side, and the omelette looked like a good size portion. Yummy. Omelette was sweet with the plantains inside, and then tasted delic with the chorizo combined. Sweet and Savory. Boom.
My friend’s “brother” was texting our mutual friend to no avail, because he wanted a male companion for March Madness later in the day. Unfortunately, our friend was unavailable because he was at his own brunch…an exclusive couples brunch. Yes, vomit.
My drunken haze does not allow me to recall how the whole thing started, but in order to get Mr Couples Brunch to respond to Brother, we decided to play a prank on him, and this just made the brunch fly by!
What better way to keep yourself busy when you don’t know one other person there!
We decided to tell Mr Couples Brunch that I was making out with some dude Mr Couples Brunch hates, who we shall name Brock Lee* (Best idea ever! Lets do it! … No, we should not. Why am I jumping at the chance to sound like a slut?).
I start grabbing Brother’s arm and laughing like a drunken hyena.
Mr Couples Brunch goes nuts and starts texting the craziest things:
“She has really hit rock bottom.”
“LMAO”
At this point I am just dying of laughter (He thinks I’ve hit rock bottom! Stop it! I can’t breathe!) Looking back I should have been insulted.
We then decide it would be a good idea for me to text Mr. Couples Brunch and pretend I have no idea what is going on.
Me: Hey are you at The Hill? (their favorite bar)
Mr Couples Brunch: No, y?
Me: We’re going in a little?
Mr Couples Brunch: With Brock Lee?
Me: Who?
Mr Couples Brunch is drunk from his own brunch and calls me to yell at me! I of course cannot hear him. They were playing loud music and I felt like I was at a discoteca.
I finish up with a text…
Me: You got punk’d son (WHAT? I know. The show is back ok, so don’t judge me)
Mr Couple’s Brunch isn’t quite getting it, and keeps going…
Mr Couple’s Brunch: Brock Lee is ur hubby?
Mr Couple’s Brunch: I wanna merk him (idk what that means)
Next thing I know I’m paying the bill, and my friends are stabbing at my plate, because I didn’t finish my omelette, because I was so distracted by the texting feud. “Hey! That’s really good!” I know…I have a food blog.
*The name has been changed for privacy reasons.
Cafe Cortadito (sangria, tropical mimosa, mojito)
A little bit of everything.
Cafe Cortadito (Amanecer Corralito)
Sweet plantain omelette with Spanish chorizo and ham. I definitely ordered the best dish!
Cafe Cortadito (huevos rancheros)
2 eggs over a corn tortilla with black beans and salsa. The vegetarian option.
Cafe Cortadito (ropa vieja sandwich)
Cuban style flank steak with a flavorful tomato sauce, green and red peppers.
A boy ordered this. I think ordering a sandwich when you’re drinking is always a safe bet for absorption purposes.
Mono + Mono [Click the photo above to go to Mono + Mono’s website]
116 E 4th St (between 1st and 2nd Ave), New York, NY 10003
Girl birthday dinners…too many girls, too many opinions: Is this funny? What do we order? Is this insulting? Can I taste that? Am I being left out? Did we just get deep? Should we order drinks? Fun, but oh em effing gee!
This one started out reg, with an email invite for seven of our closest friends to Mono + Mono either Tues or Wednesday. Perk of a birthday dinner is you don’t spend 30 e-mails fighting over what restaurant to go to (or at least that happens with my friends: I don’t like that place, that’s too far, the food looks weird, it’s too much money, I want byob…is your head spinning?). But Tuesday or Wednesday was like its own ticking time bomb…
“I don’t care, up to you.”
“Whatever works”
“I’m down for whatever”
The email chain continues with different ways of trying to convey that each girl is “go with the flow and fine with whatever,” until the opinionated one of the group is like WEDNESDAY! Ok fine, no one wanted to make a decision anyway.
7:30 dinner gives me just enough time to turn into a human being post work. We arrive, and the host greets us suggesting we hang up our coats, because in his exact words, “it’s a stove back there.” (a stove? Maybe an oven? I immediately think of Bridesmaid’s…What kind of name is stove?”)
Only 3 out of 7 have arrived, and I have to tell you, I’m starving. I already looked up the restaurant ahead of time (I mean who doesn’t??), but the menu was overwhelming me nonetheless. Mono + Mono specializes in their fried chicken, and their Soju (Soju is Korean alcohol, but I would say it pretty much tastes like vodka infused with fruit) so in my mind those were definites.
Eventually the others arrive, and we can get down to business, but not before my friend arrives, plops down in her seat, and announces she “loves getting spit in the face at work” (she’s a middle school teacher in the Bronx, so a student spit at her). What.an.intro. Dinner is about to go down…
“Are we sharing?”
“Lets share.”
“Yeah, lets share.”
….
“I want the chicken.”
“Ok, what chicken should we get?”
“I want fries too.”
“I don’t eat chicken, but I’m just going to get something else.” (what?)
So far we have 2 large plates of fried chicken (1 soy garlic, and 1 hot & spicy) and one order of French fries after my friend boldly states that she “loves potatoes.” Yeah, ok, sure.
“The hot & spicy is pretty spicy”
“That’s ok, we like spicy,” says Miss Wednesday. Since I actually like spicy it was fine with me.
The waiter throws out that the chicken takes 40 minutes to prepare…wait what? Let’s get more food.
“Who wants sushi?”
“I’m fine with sushi.”
“We’re still getting the French fries right?”
“Yes.”
“How about the ninja roll?”
“Wait, are we getting French fries?”
….
“I want a salad, does anyone else want a salad?”
“if you want the salad, I’ll eat the salad.”
“Everyone will pick at it…”
Soju arrives first. All of us are handed small glasses with a large block of ice in the middle, and the Soju is poured on top of the ice cube. It is gone in a matter of minutes.
Food arrives staggered as we all grab at it with our forks, chopsticks, fingers, and whatever utensil we can find on the table.
“Who has seen Hunger Games?”
“I’m seeing it on Friday.”
“Did you read the book?”
“She definitely didn’t read it, she only saw the movie.” (she only saw the movie)
“I’m reading it now…”
“Who watches Shahs of Sunset?” This show is so bad it’s good, and I have verbal diarrhea going on and on about Resa (if you don’t know who that is, that’s just too bad for you)….Mob wives comes next…and then like any girl with a pulse, Fifty Shades of Grey comes up.
“It’s crazy.”
“I want to read it.”
“it’s on my kindle.”
“Is it a fetish? Like a baby?”
“Like the Nip/Tuck episode?”
“No, like S&M.”
So I guess this is my next book, I need to be able to keep up with the conversation, and I have to tell you it was difficult. Diagonal conversations, across the table conversation, adjacent conversation, my head was spinning. “What are you guys talking about over there?”
The fried chicken arrives. Each plate is half soy garlic and half hot & spicy. “Why didn’t they just put each on a different plate? That’s so dumb.” Whatevs lets eat. As it turns out, the waiter was not messing around, it was really spicy. You can’t tell the difference between each flavor chicken until you take a bite of it, so all hell broke loose.
We suddenly turn into rabid animals sniffing the chicken, biting the chicken, then putting it back. It was a scene. When it was all said and done, I have to say it was really good. Although everyone went nuts from the spicy, I would make the argument that the soy garlic might have been too sweet without the spicy chicken paired with it.
I sneak off to the bathroom, and request a candle and dessert for our birthday girl. Frozen yogurt! Yes! Tastes just like Pinkberry. As we’re winding down I see Miss Wednesday sucking the gigantic ice cube into her mouth, rolling it around, and then spitting it back into her glass…it’s time to go home.
Mono + Mono (grapefruit flavored Soju)
It’s alcohol. It’s fine with me.
Mono + Mono (mango salad)
A little creamy, but we each had a a bites, so great for a few bites, but definitely get it to share, not for yourself.
Mono + Mono (fries)
These were actually unreal! I “love potatoes” too. We ordered a second round of these. It came with 3 dipping sauces. One is a spicy mayo, which my friend almost spit out after already eating the spicy chicken (still funny).
Mono + Mono (spider roll)
Look at this monster! The pickiest eater of our friends decided it looked too good to not try, and surprise, she liked it! It’s deep fried and covered in sauce…puh-lease.
Mono + Mono (Ninja roll)
Looks cray right? We each got a roll or two depending on who didn’t want this particular dish. I definitely would get them to share, because they’re good for a taste, but not a whole meal.
Mono * Mono (fried chicken)
Here it is! Can you tell which one is spicy, and which one is sweet? I don’t care I’d eat them again just to watch everyone freak out.
Yuca Bar [Click the photo above to go to Yuca Bar’s website]
111 Avenue A (corner of 7th Street), New York NY 10009
Thirsty Thursday + March Madness = great time to go out.
After much anticipation, I finally made it to Yuca Bar! Yay! Wisconsin and Syracuse game was also on (I’m a Wisconsin alumni, and the rest of my family is Syracuse alumni, smack talking was wild all day) so it was hard for me to choose: yummy dinner or supportive alumni. I went with yummy dinner (I have a food blog! Sports are never going to win unless I’m dying to see some guy that’s watching the game), and decided to bother my friend for constant updates via texts.
We opted to walk there (nice out, and burn some cals before a not so skinny meal) so armed with a Wisco t-shirt (Look! I’m hardcore!) and sunglasses, I grabbed an iced coffee, and strolled to meet my friend further downtown closer to the restaurant.
As soon as I meet up with her, she points to my coffee, and makes this gesture with her hands that look like she’s suffocating a wildebeest: “Supress!” she screams.
“If I didn’t get this iced coffee I would have made us stop and eat at the closest restaurant.” And I wanted to make it to Yuca Bar.
The walk entailed a few screaming outbursts and a debate if we were on the right side of the street (I think it’s there. I think you’re wrong…I was wrong)
It is over 70 degrees and my jeans are sticking to my body.
I point to my pants, and scream, “Glued!”
“Sopping!”
We suddenly realize there are people next to us listening to us talk about how sweaty we are, and start laughing and keep screaming, “Gross! Disgusting!”
I then see a big black Labrador sitting outside the restaurant and I go to pet it.
My friend goes “ew don’t do that.”
My hand is 4 inches from the dog’s face, and I pause, “no? This is a bad idea?”
“I mean to each their own”
I pet the dog and go, “I’ll just wash my hands.”
We walk into the restaurant.
“2 please, can we sit outside?”
The host points to my iced coffee, and I look for a place to throw it out, and instead just put it on the hostess stand (whatever).
“Nothing is available.”
I look outside and I see a bunch of tables. “But there are seats right there?”
“Oh for dinner!” then seats us (are you confused, because I was!)
We sit down and the waitress tells us about their drink specials ($5!!). She described one as “alcohol mixed with alcohol.”
“2 please!”
“What should we order?”
“I think I’ve been looking at the wrong menu all day.”
The waitress walks over and we order guacamole to start (who needs to look at a menu to order that? Puh-lease!)
We order the arepa con carne, fish tacos (pescado…see I can do Spanish), and plantains stuffed with pork.
“So we’ll get meat, fish, and pork.”
“We’re so easy!” (are we??)
“I kind of want rice and beans.”
“So we can get them, we’ll just need a second table to fit all the food.”
The waitress comes over to take our orders, and at the last minute my friend goes, “are the rice and beans big?”
“No, they’re small.”
“And that too!”
Everything was yummy! My favorite dish was the arepa, because it was sweet and it soaked up all the flavors from the meat. We had to move plates around to put it closer to me.
“Everything is so good!”
“I know it’s really good.”
“Your voice went up at the end. You don’t think it’s that good.”
“I do, I think it’s really good! It went up again didn’t it?”
“It did.”
“I don’t know that’s weird.”
The meal went off without a hitch except that not one, not two, but THREE homeless men stopped to ask us for change. Do my friend and I attract that sort of attention? This is our new dating pool??
The owner politely scurried them away from us as we awkwardly cringed and tried to pretend they were not there. He was really nice and apologized, explaining that because the restaurant is near a park there are a lot of homeless people in the area (so we’re not causing this? Phew!).
“She has a food blog!” my friend screams in the owner’s face.
“Oh, wow, you do?” We got a free round of drinks! I couldn’t believe it!
Strong drinks, good food, friendly wait staff, I was in heaven with exception to the threatening texts I received from my family through out the whole meal about the basketball game: Booyah! You’re going down! Fool’s Gold (I was confused by that one)!
I was a little drunk and I told my dad to suck it after Wisconsin lost. That is not appropriate, and I don’t recommend texting that to a parent.
On that note, I will be returning to Yuca Bar just not when a basketball game is on.
Yuca Bar (happy hour special drink)
It was mixed with real acai berries, which are supposed to be super healthy! I don’t know if this drink was healthy, but it was strong and good!
Yuca Bar (salsa and guacamole)
Basic but always good. So easy to fill up on this!
Yuca Bar (tacos de pescado)
Deep fried what up! I love crunchy cole slaw with fried fish. It was good, but the fish need a little somethin somethin so I dipped it in the guac.
Yuca Bar (arepa con carne)
Here is my favorite dish! Isn’t it just so pretty? It was difficult to cut in half, and it didn’t look so cute afterwards, but I did not care one bit!
Yuca Bar (platano relleno)
I have a soft spot for plantains, I have no idea why. Some people don’t like pork, but it’s a juicier meat, and the whole dish was delic!
Kanoyama: 175 2nd Avenue New York, NY 10003
Momofuku Milk Bar: 251 E 13th St # A New York, NY 10003
After a celebratory St Patty’s Day I was really looking forward to a relaxing Sunday. I went to the gym to burn off yesterday’s alcohol and pizza, but I don’t know how productive it was since I spent the majority of the expedition texting (what? I was on the bike!), and then I showered and settled in to start Book #2 of the Hunger Games. I scheduled dinner with 2 friends for later so I wouldn’t get antsy in my apartment.
After reading only G-d knows (I know too) how many pages I realize I have to get up to go the lady’s room, because I haven’t moved in quite a long time. I decide to take a brief reprieve and check my phone, and see that my dinner plans friend has called. Slight panic creeps inside me: She’s cxling! She’s changed the place to something really unhealthy! No, I didn’t answer in time and she went for linner. Plans foiled!
Nope, she’s gone for a walk with our other friend and wants to know if I want to join them.
“No, but if you sit outside somewhere I’ll meet you.” (I didn’t want to give up on Hunger Games quite yet).
“I think we might sit at BBar.”
“K, let me know!”
Legitimatley 2 minutes later I receive a text, “we’re outside BBar.”
I realize I’ve been sitting inside like a cavewoman and need to get myself together.
“Are you guys wearing leggings, because I am?”…a minute later “Nevermind, I’m not changing.”
I throw on lipgloss and sunglasses, debate about wearing a scarf (veto it), and head out.
As soon as I get there…
“I love your lipgloss!”
“Thanks!”
I see they’re wearing spring attire on their feet, while I’m sporting my new sneakers (girlyfoodie + Justin Bieber = same closet). Win some you lose some.
“You have to go inside to get a drink.”
…decisions, decisions. Get the drink before I get settled, or hear stories and then get a drink? I don’t know! I don’t know!
“You do not want to know what we’ve eaten already today…”
I guess I’ll wait to get the drink.
“I’ve had the worst day!”
“She’s had the worst day!”
(sometimes they mimic each other)
They went to support their friend who ran the half marathon, and on the train ride home a runner puked on my friend.
“She puked on me”
“She got puked on!”
“The lady said it was spit up, but I got thrown up on.”
“She had the worst day!”
Drink time.
Bartender lady was sort of a biotch. She was wearing a beanie, and I immediately wasn’t her biggest fan (she wasn’t mine either). She took forever to pour me my beer (Listen lady, I am having serious FOMO, and I didn’t bring my phone to distract me. HAND ME MY DRINK so I can go back outside and socialize!).
When I return:
“I want guacamole.”
“We’re eating dinner soon.”
“Should we get guacamole?”
“Well, with the kind of day we’re already havin…”
“I want to have room for dinner.”
“Where should we go for dinner?”
“I still want guacamole.”
Dinner plans are decided on. We shall go to Kanoyama. Sushi, a few blocks away.
“Should we get the sushi for 3?”
“Do you want sushi pieces?”
“It’s like sashimi with rice underneath.”
“Should we do it?”
“I want a seaweed salad”
Waitress comes over.
“We’ll have the sushi for 3 please”
“It really is such a great deal. We’ll definitely be happy with it.”
Turns out we were really happy with it: wide assortment and TONS of sushi. It’s hard to feel fat and weighed down from sushi. Although I always say it just takes that one last piece to put you over the edge. We ended up leaving 3 pieces behind on the oversized plate. Probably so later we could say we didn’t eat the whole thing.
Conversation shifts:
“I got my palm read on a date, and the fortune teller said I’m going to have a baby…soon. And it was really awkward, because it was our first date.”
..
“I don’t want to get pregnant.”
“I’m going to get so fat.”
“I don’t think you will.”
“My face will be huge.”
“I’m going to have a c-secton”
…
I should point out that there is a couple sitting 6 inches away from us not even speaking to one another, and just listening to our conversation. GET YOUR OWN CONVERSATION AND STOP JUDGING US. What kind of couple are you that just sit there and hold hands over your miso soup? I’m realizing it’s a pattern that my neighboring patrons always seem to be listening to my conversation. Do I have weird conversations? Am I just loud (yes, I’m definitely loud)? Am I paranoid? Or am I just THAT interesting?
“Where is our check?”
“Is she ignoring us?”
“I’m getting antsy.”
“We’re still going to Momofuku Milk Bar right?”
“Yep!”
“There’s a line. I’m cold, I’m going home.” (man down, she leaves but turns around twice to see if we’re still on line…we are)
I have never been to Momofuku Milk Bar before, I’m not goin’ anywhere.
“What do I order here?”
“Everything is amazing.”
I end up ordering the peanutbutter cookie, and shove it in my sweatshirt pocket. I stroll home and do back to back conversation with my dad, and then my mom.
As I’m heading into the elevator, my impatience gets the best of me, and I start chomping on my cookie. It was SO delicious! Unfortunately I was holding in my delight so my mom wouldn’t ask me why I was making such weird noises.
My mom pauses for a second, “What are you eating?”
“Celery.”
Kanoyama (seaweed salad)
That is a lot of sesame seeds. My friend wanted a seaweed salad with her sushi combo. She said it had “a lot of different types of seaweed in it.”
Kanoyama (miso soup).
Sushi for 3 comes with a choice of soup or salad. I opted for soup, and it was a great start to the meal.
Kanoyama [Click the photo above to go to Kanoyama’s website]
You can see my friend’s claws going at the sushi as I try to take a picture of it. I attacked piece after piece.
Momofuku Milk Bar [Click the photo above to go to Momofuku’s website]
I know they look like regular cookies, but they are definitely not. My friend got the cornflake marshmallow chocolate chip and the blueberries and cream cookie. I opted for simple peanut butter. If it ain’t broke don’t fix it. It was so gooey. I hesitated in turning on the television, because I didn’t want to stop eating my snack.
GirlyFoodie 