Café Cortadito [Click the photo above to go to Café Cortadito’s website]
10 East 3rd Street (between Ave B & Ave C) New York, NY 10009
Spent a rainy Saturday at a coed bottomless brunch…I know what??
First off, I was originally supposed to go to this brunch with a few girls, and then I get a text from my friend saying, “we are not going to know anyone at this brunch.” Great, lets break bread with people I don’t know. This won’t be awkward at all.
I would also like to point out that I know these people through a boy I was dating (yes, dating! Not hooking up. I’m not a 20 year old undergrad anymore. You want something, you better buy me dinner first), so you can imagine my horror when more of his friends were coming to a DRUNK brunch. Who knew what would slip out of my mouth? Oh, and did I mention they were couples? MISS, WHERE IS MY MIMOSA?
I had already told my friend ahead of time she had to sit next to me (am I 12? Maybe), but her boy best friend (who she calls her brother) apparently had the same idea, and we secretly competed over our seating arrangement.
Her brother won, so I sat next to him, with my friend sitting across from me, and her other friend( I had met twice before) sitting to my right. I should also point out that the restaurant was the size of a small walk-in closet, and 9 of us squeezed into a table that sat 6 comfortably. So when I say we sat next to each other, I mean we were straight up cuddling. Lets.get.started.
“Should I take pictures of our meal?”
“You should!”
“Why would you take pictures?”
“Because I have a food blog, do you want my card?” (Yes, I have cards now!)
“You seriously have a blog?”
“Yes…”
“Are there videos on your blog?”
“Sort of…”
“You should have videos” (Oh, thanks. I should have been like DON’T TELL ME HOW TO RUN THIS! but instead I get all shy and embarrassed and just respond with a meek, “ok.”)
We order pitchers of mimosas, mojitos, two sangrias (white and red), and maybe one more drink. The lovely lady sitting next to me suggested combining the mimosa and mojito…she is a genius.
I was at least 3 drinks in before my food arrived…I actually can’t remember. Whatever. It’s a bottomless brunch! Don’t judge me!
I had per usual looked up this menu ahead of time (for G-d’s sake it’s Cuban, I have never had a Cuban brunch before, I needed to be prepared: I needed to see pictures prior to ordering). I went for the Amanecer Corralito (sweet plantain omelette with Spanish chorizo and ham), I saw from the picture the chorizo and ham were served on the side, and the omelette looked like a good size portion. Yummy. Omelette was sweet with the plantains inside, and then tasted delic with the chorizo combined. Sweet and Savory. Boom.
My friend’s “brother” was texting our mutual friend to no avail, because he wanted a male companion for March Madness later in the day. Unfortunately, our friend was unavailable because he was at his own brunch…an exclusive couples brunch. Yes, vomit.
My drunken haze does not allow me to recall how the whole thing started, but in order to get Mr Couples Brunch to respond to Brother, we decided to play a prank on him, and this just made the brunch fly by!
What better way to keep yourself busy when you don’t know one other person there!
We decided to tell Mr Couples Brunch that I was making out with some dude Mr Couples Brunch hates, who we shall name Brock Lee* (Best idea ever! Lets do it! … No, we should not. Why am I jumping at the chance to sound like a slut?).
I start grabbing Brother’s arm and laughing like a drunken hyena.
Mr Couples Brunch goes nuts and starts texting the craziest things:
“She has really hit rock bottom.”
“LMAO”
At this point I am just dying of laughter (He thinks I’ve hit rock bottom! Stop it! I can’t breathe!) Looking back I should have been insulted.
We then decide it would be a good idea for me to text Mr. Couples Brunch and pretend I have no idea what is going on.
Me: Hey are you at The Hill? (their favorite bar)
Mr Couples Brunch: No, y?
Me: We’re going in a little?
Mr Couples Brunch: With Brock Lee?
Me: Who?
Mr Couples Brunch is drunk from his own brunch and calls me to yell at me! I of course cannot hear him. They were playing loud music and I felt like I was at a discoteca.
I finish up with a text…
Me: You got punk’d son (WHAT? I know. The show is back ok, so don’t judge me)
Mr Couple’s Brunch isn’t quite getting it, and keeps going…
Mr Couple’s Brunch: Brock Lee is ur hubby?
Mr Couple’s Brunch: I wanna merk him (idk what that means)
Next thing I know I’m paying the bill, and my friends are stabbing at my plate, because I didn’t finish my omelette, because I was so distracted by the texting feud. “Hey! That’s really good!” I know…I have a food blog.
*The name has been changed for privacy reasons.
Cafe Cortadito (sangria, tropical mimosa, mojito)
A little bit of everything.
Cafe Cortadito (Amanecer Corralito)
Sweet plantain omelette with Spanish chorizo and ham. I definitely ordered the best dish!
Cafe Cortadito (huevos rancheros)
2 eggs over a corn tortilla with black beans and salsa. The vegetarian option.
Cafe Cortadito (ropa vieja sandwich)
Cuban style flank steak with a flavorful tomato sauce, green and red peppers.
A boy ordered this. I think ordering a sandwich when you’re drinking is always a safe bet for absorption purposes.
Mono + Mono [Click the photo above to go to Mono + Mono’s website]
116 E 4th St (between 1st and 2nd Ave), New York, NY 10003
Girl birthday dinners…too many girls, too many opinions: Is this funny? What do we order? Is this insulting? Can I taste that? Am I being left out? Did we just get deep? Should we order drinks? Fun, but oh em effing gee!
This one started out reg, with an email invite for seven of our closest friends to Mono + Mono either Tues or Wednesday. Perk of a birthday dinner is you don’t spend 30 e-mails fighting over what restaurant to go to (or at least that happens with my friends: I don’t like that place, that’s too far, the food looks weird, it’s too much money, I want byob…is your head spinning?). But Tuesday or Wednesday was like its own ticking time bomb…
“I don’t care, up to you.”
“Whatever works”
“I’m down for whatever”
The email chain continues with different ways of trying to convey that each girl is “go with the flow and fine with whatever,” until the opinionated one of the group is like WEDNESDAY! Ok fine, no one wanted to make a decision anyway.
7:30 dinner gives me just enough time to turn into a human being post work. We arrive, and the host greets us suggesting we hang up our coats, because in his exact words, “it’s a stove back there.” (a stove? Maybe an oven? I immediately think of Bridesmaid’s…What kind of name is stove?”)
Only 3 out of 7 have arrived, and I have to tell you, I’m starving. I already looked up the restaurant ahead of time (I mean who doesn’t??), but the menu was overwhelming me nonetheless. Mono + Mono specializes in their fried chicken, and their Soju (Soju is Korean alcohol, but I would say it pretty much tastes like vodka infused with fruit) so in my mind those were definites.
Eventually the others arrive, and we can get down to business, but not before my friend arrives, plops down in her seat, and announces she “loves getting spit in the face at work” (she’s a middle school teacher in the Bronx, so a student spit at her). What.an.intro. Dinner is about to go down…
“Are we sharing?”
“Lets share.”
“Yeah, lets share.”
….
“I want the chicken.”
“Ok, what chicken should we get?”
“I want fries too.”
“I don’t eat chicken, but I’m just going to get something else.” (what?)
So far we have 2 large plates of fried chicken (1 soy garlic, and 1 hot & spicy) and one order of French fries after my friend boldly states that she “loves potatoes.” Yeah, ok, sure.
“The hot & spicy is pretty spicy”
“That’s ok, we like spicy,” says Miss Wednesday. Since I actually like spicy it was fine with me.
The waiter throws out that the chicken takes 40 minutes to prepare…wait what? Let’s get more food.
“Who wants sushi?”
“I’m fine with sushi.”
“We’re still getting the French fries right?”
“Yes.”
“How about the ninja roll?”
“Wait, are we getting French fries?”
….
“I want a salad, does anyone else want a salad?”
“if you want the salad, I’ll eat the salad.”
“Everyone will pick at it…”
Soju arrives first. All of us are handed small glasses with a large block of ice in the middle, and the Soju is poured on top of the ice cube. It is gone in a matter of minutes.
Food arrives staggered as we all grab at it with our forks, chopsticks, fingers, and whatever utensil we can find on the table.
“Who has seen Hunger Games?”
“I’m seeing it on Friday.”
“Did you read the book?”
“She definitely didn’t read it, she only saw the movie.” (she only saw the movie)
“I’m reading it now…”
“Who watches Shahs of Sunset?” This show is so bad it’s good, and I have verbal diarrhea going on and on about Resa (if you don’t know who that is, that’s just too bad for you)….Mob wives comes next…and then like any girl with a pulse, Fifty Shades of Grey comes up.
“It’s crazy.”
“I want to read it.”
“it’s on my kindle.”
“Is it a fetish? Like a baby?”
“Like the Nip/Tuck episode?”
“No, like S&M.”
So I guess this is my next book, I need to be able to keep up with the conversation, and I have to tell you it was difficult. Diagonal conversations, across the table conversation, adjacent conversation, my head was spinning. “What are you guys talking about over there?”
The fried chicken arrives. Each plate is half soy garlic and half hot & spicy. “Why didn’t they just put each on a different plate? That’s so dumb.” Whatevs lets eat. As it turns out, the waiter was not messing around, it was really spicy. You can’t tell the difference between each flavor chicken until you take a bite of it, so all hell broke loose.
We suddenly turn into rabid animals sniffing the chicken, biting the chicken, then putting it back. It was a scene. When it was all said and done, I have to say it was really good. Although everyone went nuts from the spicy, I would make the argument that the soy garlic might have been too sweet without the spicy chicken paired with it.
I sneak off to the bathroom, and request a candle and dessert for our birthday girl. Frozen yogurt! Yes! Tastes just like Pinkberry. As we’re winding down I see Miss Wednesday sucking the gigantic ice cube into her mouth, rolling it around, and then spitting it back into her glass…it’s time to go home.
Mono + Mono (grapefruit flavored Soju)
It’s alcohol. It’s fine with me.
Mono + Mono (mango salad)
A little creamy, but we each had a a bites, so great for a few bites, but definitely get it to share, not for yourself.
Mono + Mono (fries)
These were actually unreal! I “love potatoes” too. We ordered a second round of these. It came with 3 dipping sauces. One is a spicy mayo, which my friend almost spit out after already eating the spicy chicken (still funny).
Mono + Mono (spider roll)
Look at this monster! The pickiest eater of our friends decided it looked too good to not try, and surprise, she liked it! It’s deep fried and covered in sauce…puh-lease.
Mono + Mono (Ninja roll)
Looks cray right? We each got a roll or two depending on who didn’t want this particular dish. I definitely would get them to share, because they’re good for a taste, but not a whole meal.
Mono * Mono (fried chicken)
Here it is! Can you tell which one is spicy, and which one is sweet? I don’t care I’d eat them again just to watch everyone freak out.
Kanoyama: 175 2nd Avenue New York, NY 10003
Momofuku Milk Bar: 251 E 13th St # A New York, NY 10003
After a celebratory St Patty’s Day I was really looking forward to a relaxing Sunday. I went to the gym to burn off yesterday’s alcohol and pizza, but I don’t know how productive it was since I spent the majority of the expedition texting (what? I was on the bike!), and then I showered and settled in to start Book #2 of the Hunger Games. I scheduled dinner with 2 friends for later so I wouldn’t get antsy in my apartment.
After reading only G-d knows (I know too) how many pages I realize I have to get up to go the lady’s room, because I haven’t moved in quite a long time. I decide to take a brief reprieve and check my phone, and see that my dinner plans friend has called. Slight panic creeps inside me: She’s cxling! She’s changed the place to something really unhealthy! No, I didn’t answer in time and she went for linner. Plans foiled!
Nope, she’s gone for a walk with our other friend and wants to know if I want to join them.
“No, but if you sit outside somewhere I’ll meet you.” (I didn’t want to give up on Hunger Games quite yet).
“I think we might sit at BBar.”
“K, let me know!”
Legitimatley 2 minutes later I receive a text, “we’re outside BBar.”
I realize I’ve been sitting inside like a cavewoman and need to get myself together.
“Are you guys wearing leggings, because I am?”…a minute later “Nevermind, I’m not changing.”
I throw on lipgloss and sunglasses, debate about wearing a scarf (veto it), and head out.
As soon as I get there…
“I love your lipgloss!”
“Thanks!”
I see they’re wearing spring attire on their feet, while I’m sporting my new sneakers (girlyfoodie + Justin Bieber = same closet). Win some you lose some.
“You have to go inside to get a drink.”
…decisions, decisions. Get the drink before I get settled, or hear stories and then get a drink? I don’t know! I don’t know!
“You do not want to know what we’ve eaten already today…”
I guess I’ll wait to get the drink.
“I’ve had the worst day!”
“She’s had the worst day!”
(sometimes they mimic each other)
They went to support their friend who ran the half marathon, and on the train ride home a runner puked on my friend.
“She puked on me”
“She got puked on!”
“The lady said it was spit up, but I got thrown up on.”
“She had the worst day!”
Drink time.
Bartender lady was sort of a biotch. She was wearing a beanie, and I immediately wasn’t her biggest fan (she wasn’t mine either). She took forever to pour me my beer (Listen lady, I am having serious FOMO, and I didn’t bring my phone to distract me. HAND ME MY DRINK so I can go back outside and socialize!).
When I return:
“I want guacamole.”
“We’re eating dinner soon.”
“Should we get guacamole?”
“Well, with the kind of day we’re already havin…”
“I want to have room for dinner.”
“Where should we go for dinner?”
“I still want guacamole.”
Dinner plans are decided on. We shall go to Kanoyama. Sushi, a few blocks away.
“Should we get the sushi for 3?”
“Do you want sushi pieces?”
“It’s like sashimi with rice underneath.”
“Should we do it?”
“I want a seaweed salad”
Waitress comes over.
“We’ll have the sushi for 3 please”
“It really is such a great deal. We’ll definitely be happy with it.”
Turns out we were really happy with it: wide assortment and TONS of sushi. It’s hard to feel fat and weighed down from sushi. Although I always say it just takes that one last piece to put you over the edge. We ended up leaving 3 pieces behind on the oversized plate. Probably so later we could say we didn’t eat the whole thing.
Conversation shifts:
“I got my palm read on a date, and the fortune teller said I’m going to have a baby…soon. And it was really awkward, because it was our first date.”
..
“I don’t want to get pregnant.”
“I’m going to get so fat.”
“I don’t think you will.”
“My face will be huge.”
“I’m going to have a c-secton”
…
I should point out that there is a couple sitting 6 inches away from us not even speaking to one another, and just listening to our conversation. GET YOUR OWN CONVERSATION AND STOP JUDGING US. What kind of couple are you that just sit there and hold hands over your miso soup? I’m realizing it’s a pattern that my neighboring patrons always seem to be listening to my conversation. Do I have weird conversations? Am I just loud (yes, I’m definitely loud)? Am I paranoid? Or am I just THAT interesting?
“Where is our check?”
“Is she ignoring us?”
“I’m getting antsy.”
“We’re still going to Momofuku Milk Bar right?”
“Yep!”
“There’s a line. I’m cold, I’m going home.” (man down, she leaves but turns around twice to see if we’re still on line…we are)
I have never been to Momofuku Milk Bar before, I’m not goin’ anywhere.
“What do I order here?”
“Everything is amazing.”
I end up ordering the peanutbutter cookie, and shove it in my sweatshirt pocket. I stroll home and do back to back conversation with my dad, and then my mom.
As I’m heading into the elevator, my impatience gets the best of me, and I start chomping on my cookie. It was SO delicious! Unfortunately I was holding in my delight so my mom wouldn’t ask me why I was making such weird noises.
My mom pauses for a second, “What are you eating?”
“Celery.”
Kanoyama (seaweed salad)
That is a lot of sesame seeds. My friend wanted a seaweed salad with her sushi combo. She said it had “a lot of different types of seaweed in it.”
Kanoyama (miso soup).
Sushi for 3 comes with a choice of soup or salad. I opted for soup, and it was a great start to the meal.
Kanoyama [Click the photo above to go to Kanoyama’s website]
You can see my friend’s claws going at the sushi as I try to take a picture of it. I attacked piece after piece.
Momofuku Milk Bar [Click the photo above to go to Momofuku’s website]
I know they look like regular cookies, but they are definitely not. My friend got the cornflake marshmallow chocolate chip and the blueberries and cream cookie. I opted for simple peanut butter. If it ain’t broke don’t fix it. It was so gooey. I hesitated in turning on the television, because I didn’t want to stop eating my snack.
Mayahuel [Click the photo above to go to Mayahuel’s website]
340 East 6th Street (between 1st and 2nd Avenue), New York, NY 10003
Thirsty Thursday! I had dinner plans at Mayahuel last night. Resies (reservations) were at 9:30 so that meant I could squeeze the gym in, woohoo! KILLED IT, but I have a little cough, so I had to retire after my cough went a little wacky on the bike. Peace gymmy.
Ordered 2 miso soups (30 cals eachhhhh) and some sushi pieces so I wasn’t cray cray before drinks. 9:30, pshh, a snack/dinner was inevitable.
Emailed myself the address to Mayahuel and then I hit the road. The restaurant is a weird black building with some sort of Spanish architecture so I figured that was the place.
I told the taxi driver the address and when he pulled up he said “yeah I think that’s it. It’s a bar.”
I actually really liked him. We talked about the weather…but he was eating the WORST smelling sandwich. Sir, c’mon. Turkey. Go with turkey next time.
Some weird bouncer/skinny man is standing outside and I asked him, “what is the name of this place?”
“Mayahuel”
“Oh ok great”
“Do you have a reservation?”
“I’m not sure. I think so I think it’s under my friend’s name.” I then give his name.
“Oh, ok just let me see your ID” (makes me feel young again)
When I walk in my friend is wearing a leather jacket so thank G-d I last minute vetoed mine otherwise we would have looked like Grease Lightning up in this joint. One leather jacket is fine…two is a statement.
Menu looks like a small book from Colonial times, so I was a little overwhelmed. We decided to just ask the waiter what he recommended. And he was a ridiculous human if I’ve ever seen one. He looked like he was trying too hard to be casual, like ”I’m not really your waiter, but I’ll take your order” sorta deal…shaggy hair, a cartilage piercing (im sorry what? this isn’t in the 90s…where is your hemp necklace?) and he gave crazy descriptions of the drinks…stop playing with your hair and recommend a drink dude.
I ordered the “hit or miss,” and I swear I originally thought the waiter was saying the “hit or miss” was either a hit or a miss…and I was just like why the eff would I want a drink that’s usually a hit or a miss? It ended up being really good…I had 3. That’s completely reasonable right? They were spicy, which I always give a fab rating for.
“You have a great smile.” GUILTY AS CHARGED.
“Should we order something? You do have a food blog.” (this blog is really working out)
Ordered the fried stuffed plantains. There were 6 (in my head of course: so three for me and three for him. That’s reasonable. G-d forbid I ate four and he ate two. Blasphemy.)
YUM! Tried to eat like a lady, but I might have finished my portion before him.
“I read your blog.”
“You did? Did you think it was funny? Did you laugh out loud? Too girly?” (I am completely secure with my writing style)
“I read the Employees Only one.”
“Oh, because you were in it?”
Yep, let’s talk about how I portrayed you in my blog. I don’t feel weird at all about it. How can I type a story for the blog if all I talk about is the blog? I’m gonna talk about the process of me writing the blog on the blog…that’s boring.
A few drinks in and nature was calling. As I got up to use the restroom I knocked into our table and the people next to us stared at me…they actually stared at us the entire meal, and I really wanted to just be like, “MIND YA BUSINESS” (instead I pretended it wasn’t a big deal that I wasn’t skinny enough to fit between the tables and sauntered to the bano.)
I got back from the bathroom at the perfect time…it was time for dessert. CHURROS…o’lay. Fried dough, cinnamon, in a chocolate and caramel dipping sauce. HOW DISGUSTING? NOT.
The cinnamon was starting to aggravate my cough, and I kept digging into my bag like an 85 year old woman for cough drops.
“Are you sick?”
Nope, just a weirdo who digs for candy between sips of alcohol and bites of food.
Time to leave before my cough causes the restaurant to be quarantined.
“Do you want to walk?”
UH…I wore some sort of a heel, and my hair doesn’t just dry like this, it’s also misting out. Are.you.kidding?
“We’re like 30 blocks away…” (ok 20 whose counting)
“I like to walk.”
(silence)
“Ok, lets hail a cab”
Mayahuel (fried plantains stuffed with cheese)
I didn’t think I’d love this as much as I did. savory sweet combo, and then I dipped it in the spicy sauce…unreal.
Mayahuel (churros in a chocolate and caramel sauce)
DELICIOUS. Sugary dessert probably doesn’t go amaze with a spicy drink, but I mean you can suck it up.
Mayahuel (“hit or miss” is the one closest to the front, and I forgot the other one…sorry!)
YUMMY. I’ll say it once, I’ll say it twice, spicy drinks are the best!
Caliente Cab [Click the photo above to go to Caliente Cab’s website]
488 3rd Avenue (on the corner of 33rd Street), New York, NY 10016
I planned to go to dinner with two friends at Yuca Bar, for their Loco Tuesday special…half off all tapas wooooohhh. It seemed so easy at first! I had been salivating at pictures of their dishes for days…it was like food porn.
But Friend # 1 is some sort of social worker that works with foster children (vomit..kidding), and she had to cover for someone who is away in Nigeria last minute SO we couldn’t go at 6:30 to make this Loco Tuesday special and all hell broke loose, because rescheduling was just not an option, and we’re girls, so I mean how easy could we possibly be? WE WILL FIGURE THIS OUT!
It was more stressful than going on a date with a boy. Going out with newish girl friends is so hard. You don’t want to be too difficult, you want to make sure everyone’s happy, you don’t want to be too bossy, bc you’re not good enough friends yet to let your(my) freak flag fly.
Typing a text, deleting a text, do I send an emoticon?? IDK!
I spent the last hour of work yelping, googling, gchatting, texting trying to figure this out (whatever). I can’t go any other time this week unless we go on the weekend, and it’s St Patrick’s Day on Saturday so it doesn’t really work etc etc etc.
“How about here?”
“Do they take reservations?”
“I don’t know about the menu.”
“Is it hh??”
“What is hh?”
“HAPPY HOUR!”
“Maybe I can get out earlier.”
“I want to cry.”
“I am filled with emotions.” (that was me)
So everyone is scrambling left and right to pick a time. Friend 2 gets out at 5. I get out at 5:30. Who knows when Miss Fostercare gets out (Friend 1 has now been renamed). The Loco Tuesday only goes until 8. Fostercare has to park her car, but it’s hard to park downtown. Lets go more local. A;lfkjaslfjsfl;kj
So I’m frantically trying to find an outdoor space (b/c it was SO nice out), but there aren’t THAT many spots with outdoor seating, good food, and alcoholic beverages.
“Rio Grande?”
“Eh”
Ummmmm I’m drawing a blank here.
I know this place called The Cannibal has outdoor seating and beer, but Fostercare is a vegetarian and they specialize in unusual meats…great, think harder!
I call The Cannibal to see if they can work around a vegetarian and they say fine, but turns out Friend # 2 doesn’t really want to eat there.
So Friend #2 meets me after work, and we walk to my apartment to turn ourselves into human specimens as opposed to what one looks like when they leave work at the end of the day (at my apt I was like “what do you want to watch? Do you like this show? I can change it…Who am I? Being so accomidating?) And then we walk to the Cannibal to look at the menu, while Fostercare parks. As we know, I will eat just about anything, but I don’t want to pick a place no one likes etc etc. so Friend #2 doesn’t want to go there (I get it. They serve pig’s ear as a dish…I’ve tried it before though…judge away) so we start aimlessly walking around the city.
“How about here?”
“Hmm.”
“I’m fine with anything.” (my neutral response to every place, because honestly I’ll eat anywhere as long it looks worth the money. Thank G-d I had an iced coffee otherwise my hunger would have overridden any form of social etiquette or sanity).
On the walk to my apt, Friend #2 walked by Caliente Cab and said, “oooh that place looks cute,” and it’s Mexican which goes sort of with the Yuca Bar theme in that they both serve quesadillas, and you can sit outside.
So we decide to go there. Is it amazing fair? No, but there’s outdoor seating, margaritas and guacamole, and I don’t have to take public transportation (yeah, right) or a cab. Fine.
Waiter walks by..
“Can we get an order of guacamole?”
“Mild, medium or spicy?”
Ah, decision to be made.
I like spicy (picante), but it’s rude to order dishes with extra heat if other people can’t eat them, so I wait:
Friend #2: mild to medium
Fostercare: medium
Me: We’ll have medium.
Friend #2: what did you want? (busted for being too agreeable!)
Me: well, I like spicy, but I can still eat medium or mild. Some people just can’t eat that. (should I have lied?)
After 2 margaritas I felt a little better.
AND WHEN I GOT HOME…MY NEW SNEAKERS HAD BEEN DELIVERED WHAT WHAT! Caliente Cab ended up being the best choice for the night (outdoors with alcohol, food was meh) but I still want to go to Loco Tuesday for some legit food 😦
Caliente Cab (tacos al carbon)
For under $10 it’s hard to complain.
Caliente Cab (quesadilla: vegetales frescos)
I didn’t try them, but it looks pretty good. The vegetarian ordered this. It is surprisingly easy to order dishes without any meat at a Mexican restaurant (if you ever go with a vegetarian or a vegetarian yourself).
Caliente Cab (healthy burrito)
Here is my disharoo. It tasted healthy, so you be the judge of that statement. I didn’t feel guilty for eating it, but it needed a little something, maybe more beans.
Caliente Cab (guacamole)
Hard to mess up gauc, but they brought the guac without chips at first…you have two hands…bring the chips.
Caliente Cab (strawberry margarita)
A little syrupy, and the waiter was kind of sucky in that he took forever to bring us a second round, and oh yeah, he brought me the wrong margarita.
I get it was crowded, but no.
Josie’s [Click the photo above to go to Josie’s website]
565 Third Ave at 37th Street, New York, NY 10016
I had an emergency friend-tervention this afternoon, which gave me a great excuse to try a new restaurant (“let’s meet in the middle at this place I walk by…”) . Hey Josie. A self proclaimed “health conscious diner,” I’d have to agree with them. I met my friend at the restaurant and our journey began.
The lunch conversation jumped from boys to food, from food to boys.
“Should we drink at lunch?”
“Do you want to drink at lunch?”
“We probably shouldn’t.”
I went for the mango lemonade. I’m usually a water girl for lunch so I was really living on the wild side with this one. My friend got the same, and we immediately agreed that it could use a little, what do you call it? Alcohol. This should be my new mixer.
“I don’t think you guys should talk anymore.”
“Me either. Do you think he’ll text me?”
“You shouldn’t answer if he does. What if he drunk dials you?”
The waiter brought over bread, but instead of butter, they served us some sweet potato number for dipping. I dropped some of it on the table by accident, but I persevered.
“What should we get?”
I should preface that my friend and I used to order appetizers with lunch every day a few summers ago. Hey, we were in college. We were young. We were dumb. We were not in shape. We were drinking and hungry.
So to take it back old school we split a dumpling app (I call them dumps). They were steamed and came with a tomato sauce instead of a sodium filled soy sauce (ever notice how health places dowse everything in tomatoes for “acid” and “flavor?” I’m on to you guys. Cat is out of the bag). They were good, but I was full from the bread and sweet potato dip-a-roo.
Then our turkey burritos arrived (lean beef, whole wheat, beans, IT’S FINE). We both ordered the same thing (reassuring that neither of us could have the better dish, no winner and loser, catch my drift?).
“I went to the gym this morning!”
“Me too!”
“You look skinny.”
“Stop it, go on.”
I only ate half (YES!), and it was really good. I think it was also because I ate the bread (boo), and I was so into my conversation. Josie’s ended up being way better than I expected. GirlyFoodie + Josie = BFF.
Josie’s (sweet potato puree)
The new butter.
Josie’s (turkey burrito)
Really delic! Dipped it in some guac, and props to no use of sour cream.
Josie’s (steamed potato and broccoli dumplings)
Solid dumps, they tasted healthy, and mostly of broc.
Josie’s (mango lemonade and bread)
My yummy drink. Add some tequila and you’ve got a real bebida.Ay ay ay ay ay (that’s me speaking Spanish).
Whole Foods [Click the photo above to learn about Whole Foods Wellness Center]
270 Greenwich Street, Manhattan NY 10007
Went to my first food blogging meet-up ever last night, and let me just say: I.am.awkward.
It was hosted by Every Day Health at the Wellness Center at Whole Foods in Tribeca and started at 6. I get out of work at 5:30 so I was plotting my escape route all day. I was heavily debating between taking a cab or the subway. If I take a cab I’ll never learn the city, but the subway gives me anxiety. I’ll call my mom and see what she says, she says take a cab…I’ll take the subway. I’m a grown up! I can do it!
I hate when you walk out of a subway and you’re not sure whether to go right or left, and then you get run over by 20 people, and you know they’re just thinking, “she’s not from here.” I AM, I AM.
After asking 3 people if Greenwich Street was this way with a random flip of my hand, I finally made it to my destination (balling!).I met my homosexual best friend aka my fake boyfriend at the event. He also has his own blog (notabaker.com if you’re interested). He greeted me by rubbing his hairy cheek into my face, which gave my face rug burn. Now I will be meeting strangers with a beet red face (thanks).
My other friend was hosting the event (go Everyday Health), and was greeting everyone at the door. The first thing she asks me, “Do you have a card?”
Me: “No…”
My friend: “You should get a card.”
Me: “Shit, I gotta get a card”
Now that that’s taken care of, where is the food? I want to say my friend and I walked into the event room and were like “we’re here to f*ck shit up,” but it was NOT like that. First off, there was no place to put my coat, and I felt like the lights were burning a hole in my head, so perspiration was inevitable. I filled my plate with some food, and proceeded to judge (p.s. all the food was super healthy. Guilt free, what up).
“This dip is weird”
“Have you tried the sushi? Can I eat more of it, or is there too much on my plate?”
“The sushi is soooo good”
My gay best friend was of absolutely no help in calming my anxiety: “We should talk to people”
“Ok, lets talk to people”
We just stand there.
“Do you think that person wants to talk to us?”
“I think they do”
“I want more sushi. They just refilled the tray.”
“They did! Let’s get a plate and share. I don’t want to look like a fatty.”
“Get your own.” (RUDE, hint this was not me)
It did not help that my bff kept pinching my butt, because “it’s funny.” We’re in public, and you’re gay. People are going to think you’re my boyfriend, and I am a terrible girlfriend for cringing at your touch.
“Ooh, truffles” I grab one, and bite into it.
“No!” My friend yells, “you do NOT bite truffles! What kind of foodie are you?” I don’t know, a hungry one.
I eventually found my footing, but I was NOT ready to rave about my blog: “Oh, I just started it. It’s ok. What do you do?”
I soon realized everyone was just as awkward as me, and I think I stopped sweating a little bit. Then as I was picking my jacket off the floor (I had to get rid of it. I was way too hot, besides I saw someone else do it first) some attractive dude running the event started talking to me (my friend and I already had a heavy debate if he was gay or straight. He said straight. I said his skin was too glowy to be straight).
Anywho I had overheard his shtick while I was picking up more sushi, and I was about to settle into the same conversation everyone else had had with him. Off he went, “have you heard of Jillian Michael’s…” Straight, by the way.
Then he asked me what I did for a living, and I do television ad sales, which is whatever, but he kept using the word aggregate, and guess what? I don’t know what that word means, so I just kept awkwardly nodding, and saying “yeah, kinda.”
Suddenly, everyone was ushered into another room for a presentation, and I was able to escape the vocabulary quiz I was accidentally invited to take.
Overall, good food, learned a few things, and oh, yeah, I need a card.
Whole Foods Wellness Center (kale and balsamic on top of bread)
This looked SO good, and I wanted to love it, but it was sort of bland. It needed salt, but I am team kale so I understand where their head was at.
Whole Foods Wellness Center (vegetable sushi)
SO.GOOD. I’m not usually a fan of Whole Foods sushi, but this was made with something that made it sort of sweet and nutty, and I died for it. They put out soy sauce and a ginger dipping sauce. I practically licked the ginger sauce out of the bowl, but I didn’t because that would have been inapprops.
Whole Food Wellness Center (lentil dip and veggies)
The dip was meh, sorta watery, but the sushi came with a ginger dressing, and I dipped the veggies in that all.night.long
Arcane [Click the photo above to go to Arcane’s website]
111 Ave C (between 7th and 8th Street), New York, NY 10009
I don’t know why Thursday nights always seem like the best night to plan a dinner (with alcohol), but for some reason they do. Maybe it’s because I like to pretend I’m in college and convince myself my weekend has started (it didn’t. I have work. Surprise! You’re hung-over eating a bacon egg and cheese in your cubicle)
Anywho! I planned dinner with my cuz (that means cousin) to try Arcane, a French/Caribbean themed restaurant (maybe we’ll feel like we’re in St. Barth’s) on Ave C. She lives in Grammercy, and it was a good excuse to stay relatively nearby. The idea of dragging myself to the other side of town just seemed exhausting ($11 cab? What? I’ll just put it on my credit card and act like it never happened). I picked my cousin up on the way (splitting a cab is the best) and off we went!
We walk in, and we are greeted and seated. Drink menus are on the table so decisions have to be made immediately. Unfortunately the restaurant was pitch black with the exception of teensy weensy candles placed on each table, and a few lamps randomly placed throughout the restaurant (I feel like the electricians were like “Let’s just put it here. They can walk their table over to the light to see). I put the candle up to the menu trying to decipher the shapes on the white piece of paper (I felt like an explorer inside a cave trying to read stories from an indigenous people that were long extinct, but not really at all). It was actually pretty annoying.
I ordered a little number called the “Moulin rouge.” French theme I guess. It had some raspberry/lime thing happening I felt drawn to. My cousin on the other hand had a little bit more trouble deciding… to say the least.
“Fig juice? That sounds delicious, but I don’t like orange juice. Do you think I should ask them what they recommend? Will they get mad at me?”
The waitress unfortunately had a thick accent (I want to say French, but really what do I know?), and she was pretty much impossible to understand. My cousin panicked and picked some mango infused drink, and when the waitress walked away she whispers to me, “I really don’t want the mango in it…” Then that was not a good choice!
Time for the nitty gritty, ordering the meal. I had purposely worn tight jeans so I would not go insane at Arcane (judge away for that one).
“do you want to split appetizers?”
“Ok!”
“I want the papaya salad.”
“I want the shrimp, avocado, and hearts of palm salad”
(so we’re not really splitting. We’re pretty much ordering what we want, but yeah let’s say we’re splitting)
Main dish: we both end up ordering the tuna “From the Grill.” The waitress looks at my cousin and says something that neither of us can understand (and since it’s so dark it’s not like you can even attempt to read lips). My cousin starts laughing like a hyena and goes, “what?”
It’s still unintelligible.
My cousin is now getting uncomfortable and laughing even more, “I’m so sorry! What?”
It still sounds like Chinese to both of us. Now it’s just awkward to say, “what,” again and her next move is to just blindly guess what the waitress is saying, “how do I want my tuna cooked?”
The waitress nods. Thank G-d! We got it right!
“Rare please!” DONE. Mercury poisoning is not real (yes it is).
We also ordered sides…why not right?? Spinach, and a gratin (“we’ll share them,” we say confidently).
We were both really pleased with our salads. Mine was a little spicy, which I like, and my cousin dug for hearts of palm like a deep sea fisherman. Then the tuna comes, and so do another round of drinks. My cousin opted for my Moulin Rouge, and I ordered it again.
By the time dessert rolled around, I was already tipsy and my cousin was up to drink #3.
“Do you want dessert?” the waitress asks. WE CAN UNDERSTAND THAT.
“Yes! Chocolate cake” (what upp)
As we wait for the cake my cousin motions towards her vodka soda “Here have some of my drink!” She goes to hand me some, and she realizes the drink is empty. Nevermind…
With exception to the minimal lighting, the food was really good, and we were in a tropical setting (I mean we drank like we were) in the beginning of March. Go Arcane!
Arcane (Moulin Rouge cocktail)
YUM!
Arcane (mango infused cocktail)
Arcane (bread)
It was great! The oil on the side had garlic and peppers mixed in (YUM). Thank G-d I had those tight pants on otherwise I would have had trouble resisting the urge to eat all of it!
Arcane (papaya salad)
So good! I took a picture of the other salad, but the picture didn’t do it enough justice.
Arcane (gratin)
Crispy goodness with a little bacon. I ain’t mad.
Arcane (chocolate cake)
I started eating, and then realized I should probably take a picture, so a little corner is missing.
Arcane (tuna)
Look how gigantic it is! I also ate 1/4 of it before I took this picture!
Employees Only [Click the photo above to go to Employees Only’s website]
510 Hudson Street (between 10th and Christopher Street), New York, NY 10014
I was meeting a friend at 9pm for drinks in the West Village at Employees Only. I had never been there before, and it was raining so I was immediately fearful that I’d be 20 mins late because 1. I couldn’t get a cab and 2. What if I got lost??
Fear not I was able to grab a cab from a girl getting dropped off at my building, and the restaurant was SUPER easy to find. I also hate awkwardly waiting for people (I hate a lot of things), so I was happy my friend was already there casually waiting in the front by the bar.
Checked coat and we sat (and then we ate). Unforgivable reference…if you haven’t seen it…it’s funny…http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dJu1Jj7VTw
First things first. Lets get a drink, it’s 9pm for G-d’s sakes. They had a section called Fancy Drinks which immediately tickled my fancy (I’m sorry I’m not sorry). I like drinks with a little kick, so I asked the waitress what she recommended she said the “Lazy Lover” so I just went with that. The drink was super good, and I gobbled it right up. I ended up ordering three of them, so I was a wittle drunk. Woops.
Then the question of the night came, “are you hungry? We should order stuff.” WHHHHAT. I JUST HAD SALMON TERIYAKI WITH BROWN RICE BEFORE THIS. Oy ok if you insist! So me being the wild eater, I wanted to try the bone marrow (I can’t believe he ok’d this. Most people would have been like, “lets get chicken fingers.”). It wasn’t the best, but I was also full so it’s hard to judge food when you’re not hungry. Feel me? They usually serve bone marrow IN the bone, but this was in a puffy pastry (Employees Only thinking outside the box)
At around drink #2, the next question of the night came, “should we get another dish?” OK!
We went for the cheese plate. NOT the best cheese plate in town. This cheese platter came with tortilla like bread (I like crostinis, but what are you gonna do?). I also like when they give you fruity jellies (do you know what im talking about at all?) on the side, but this restaurant only gave a side of nuts to mix with the cheeses. This obviously didn’t stop me from eating. Alcohol and cheese/carbs were in front of me…I was a goner.
I paired our cheese plate with random conversation one thinks of when they’re a few drinks in:
“Would you ever be a stand-up comedian?”
“No.”
…
“Want to see twenty pictures of my dog on my phone? She’s SO cute.”
“Sure” (you’re going to show me anyway).
My Lazy Lover drink had made me super giddy and enthusiastic, and I gave my friend a kiss on the cheek AND a hug good-bye as if I’d never see them again (alcohol does that!). I would totes go to Employees Only again. It was a cute bar with great drinks, but I think I’d eat before again too.
Employees Only (menu)
It does not say Employees Only on the outside of the restaurant. It just has this symbol (ok fine it’s an “E” and an “O”), and the address number.
Employees Only (Fancy Drink Menu)
I just love that it says Fancy Drinks, so I got fancy with editing the picture (please keep reading my blog after reading that joke). The menu was not blue. I’m fancy huh? (I’M SO SORRY. PLEASE KEEP READING MY BLOG.)
Employees Only (bone marrow poppers)
You have to admit they look good for something called bone marrow poppers. The waitress said they were meant to be eaten in one bite, but I felt like I had an oversized sushi roll in my mouth when I did that.
Employees Only (cheese platter).
See what I mean with the tortilla like bread? And the random nuts? I nibbled on the cheese like a little mouse.
Grand Central Market [Click the photo above to go to Grand Central Market’s website]
105 E 42nd St (between De Pew Pl & Park Ave), New York, NY 10017
I was really on a mission today during my lunch break. I had shidizzle to do. Well, really I just had to use an Amex giftcard before I forgot about it, and then I lost money on it (why do they do that?), so off I went with two coworkers to the nearest Sephora. Picked up some Benefit cosmetics, had to replenish my stash, and we were done (I know what I want, and I get it). On the way back, we passed by a Modell’s (gotta go to Mo’s), so we slipped right in there. My friend gave into the LINsanity craze and purchased a Lin t-shirt for her little brother. I on the other hand balled out and bought a Carmelo Anthony jersey (over $90…what the eff? I already used my Amex money). I will finally be attending a game, and I like to be prepared.
“It’s a jersey. You’ll have it forever,” my other friend pipes in (he’s a guy by the way. Can you tell?)
“Or until he gets traded…” too late now.
My bag is now stuffed with Sephora make-up and a Knick’s jersey, but I have yet to get lunch. Where shall we go?
We were right by Grand Central, so off to Grand Central Market we went. A market, grand central, lunch time, it won’t be crowded (yes it will!)…I should have had a smaller bag so people would have to try harder to bump into me (but then where would I put my new goodies?). This market has everything: salad, fruit, prepared meals, fresh fish, CHEESE.
“I know if I wander for too long I will end up getting a mac ‘n cheese soufflé (because I have done that) so I’m just going to get this,” and I order a small seaweed salad and a steamed shrimp spring roll (made with that gooey rice stuff so it’s not super dough-y..is that a word? It is now).
My friend completely tuned me out as she stared at all the food (sort of like me in Eataly), and proceeded to have a panic attack over her meal.
“Oh my G-d look! It’s mac n’ cheese. Yum!” (does she ignore me???) “Will I like this quinoa?”
“Do you like mint?”
“No”
“Then don’t get the quinoa* with mint.”
She ended up getting another quinoa, and a shrimp spring roll as well. Just as we were about to hightail it out of there, Miss Mac ‘n Cheese screams, “There’s grapes!”
I roll my eyes, and am about to make a sarcastic comment when I spot cut-up mango. “Add this!” I scream, as she goes to get rung up (snack for later of course. I get very cranky at around 3:30pm, and I try to avoid that with a fruit pick me up).
Back to the office we went to enjoy our meal. The seaweed salad was standard, and the shrimp roll had great crunch. There was purple cabbage in it that gave it a little something. Grand Central Market is a good stop for (in my mind) quality dishes when you’re running around. It would not be a spot I’d run to (only when you’re running around?? Does that make sense??). Is it 3:30 yet for my mango?
*Quinoa:grain with an extremely high amount of protein. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quinoa
Grand Central Market (seaweed salad doesn’t photograph well through glass, and the rolls, they’re sorta pretty)
Grand Central Market (I looked but didn’t touch)
Grand Central Market
GirlyFoodie 